Maybe you don't need an IV

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Well, Grandma used to always say that honesty is the best policy.

We aren't in the business of taking money from people who don't really need us, or worse, who need something else but use us instead. That's no way to earn a living, or a good reputation.

So, in direction contradiction to every business book I've ever read, here are some thoughts about when you might not need an IV.

1) You simply can't get your "pep" back.

There are a million reasons you might feel "draggy". Lots of them (improper nutrition, dehydration, low levels of some vitamins, aminos, or trace elements) CAN be fixed with an IV. You might be deficient in Vitamin B, or D, or potassium, and a power-packed IV can help that. Being dehydrated really drags you down. OBVIOULSY an IV can help that.

But let's assume you've been eating right, drinking the appropriate amount of water every day (your body weight in pounds, divided by two, in ounces), haven't been sick, and get 8 hours of sleep a night. What then? Well, there are a bunch of possibilities.

First, you may not be getting "good" sleep. You might have sleep apnea. You might consider an at-home sleep study for a hundred bucks. That's a cheap way to find out if poor sleep is what's bringing you down.

Second, you may have a hormonal issue or some problem with your endocrine system. Maybe you have hypothyroidism. It's not going to be cheap, but a visit to an endocrinologist couldn't hurt. What if they find the one thing your body isn't producing something properly, put you on a med for it (like Synthroid), and you're suddenly Batman? Wouldn't that be worth the money?

What if you aren't absorbing Vitamin D the way you should, and your serum D level is way low? Maybe inexpensive routine Vitamin D shots are the answer.

Hell, it could even be something in your intestinal tract, where you aren't absorbing nutrition the way you should.

What we're saying is, if you try an IV, or two, or three, and you're still feeling draggy, you need more medical help than you can get in a recliner.

2) You've been diagnosed with a cancer, but aren't getting chemo.

I've had family members die of various cancers. If high dose Vitamin C cured cancer, they'd all be alive. It doesn't. Is there some small evidence that a ton of Vitamin C slowed the growth of some tumors in rats 20 years ago? Yeah, I think I saw that. There's also probably some poorly-designed study that shows that rubbing Skittles under their arms increased cancer survivability in rats, but that proves nothing.

An IV with Zofran (an anti-nausea med) and Toradol (NSAID pain reliever) in it is a GREAT thing for chemo patients. We love it so much we GIVE IT AWAY to pediatric chemo patients even though it costs us a ton to do it. Those IVs, when you're dehydrated, have muscle aches, and are nauseated, are like a bolt of love from Heaven. If you're on chemo, come get one. If you aren't, nothing anyone can put in a bag of fluids at an IV center/spa/bar is going to beat cancer.

3) You're trying to beat a drug test.

We get this call twice a week. For starters, nothing we know of that can go in an IV can "mask" drugs in your blood stream or urine. If we did know about something we wouldn't have it anyway. That's not our mission.

There's probably some truth to the theory that if you're close to clean, a BUNCH of fluids, like two bags, can sufficiently dilute the contaminant to the point that you'll pass, but who knows? It's also my understanding that most of those tests have some mechanism to know if you've taken in a bunch of fluids to dilute the drugs, so you won't pass anyway.

You can try, but our guess is that there's a 99% chance you're wasting your money. And don't tell us on the way in, because that's not our thing.

4) You have continual stomach/GI issues.

We see this a lot.

So, everyone has eaten something they regretted after the fact. Happened to me just this past Wednesday. I was fairly certain death was next. Today I feel like a champ.

Do you know what that tells me? It was an isolated incident, not indicative of a problem.

If you have bad bathroom issues one day, take some Nauzene or Pepto, and get better, but the same problem comes back in a week, you might have a serious problem.

We have a Gastro Relief package that knocks out just about anything your GI tract can throw at you. If we see you Sunday for a stomach problem, and then you're back in a week with the same problem, you might not need an IV, you might need a doctor's appointment.

You could have a GI bleed, excess production of stomach acid, a bacterial infection in your gastrointestinal tract, or even cancer. Unless you're eating at the same dirty street taco stand and get a virus three times in three weeks, getting a Gastro Relief package from us ought to be a "once in a blue moon" kind of event. If we see you twice we're going to (1) tell you to stop eating wherever you're eating, and/or (2) tell you to schedule a visit with your PCP.

5) You just aren't sure what's wrong, but you "don't feel right".

That's okay for ONE IV. Just one. In all likelihood, if the IV works it's because you were deficient in some vitamin or mineral that's in our package, or you were dehydrated.

If that first one doesn't work (assuming you listened to us and got what we feel like you need), a second one isn't going to do you any better.

You might be lacking serotonin, you might have a vitamin or chemical imbalance, you might have a thyroid issue, or maybe you have something as serious as a heart issue. If you can't put your finger on it, and the first IV or two doesn't change things, there's no point in going back to the well.

So there are five good reasons NOT to get an IV, and there are a hundred more. There are just as man good reasons TO get an IV. It depends on your body and your circumstances. The good news is, you can always call us at (855) 435-8437 and we'll give you the straight skinny. Maybe you need us. Maybe you don't. We'll let you know the truth, with a smile.

And if you're wondering, I'm terrified of needles too, but it doesn't stop me when I need an IV. Pain spray for the win. If that's your reason for not getting an IV, see you soon, ya ninny.